A Poor Excuse for a Blogger

Yup, that's me. A poor excuse. I often ask myself why I don't blog that much anymore. It's certainly not that I don't have that much going on because I do - getting ready to move, putting our house on the market while taking care of three young kids, packing, finishing up work, taking care of Chloe, working with her feeding routine and therapies and appointments. . . I have plenty to talk about. But I guess a big part of it is that many of those things are so very personal and although I always thought I could just write about anything, I have found that when it comes to aspects of my life that may affect others, it's not always my place to talk about openly and freely. There is so much involved in our move since my mother is moving in with us and selling the house my brothers grew up in and that all our family gatherings have taken place. There are many emotions that I don't dare even attempt to describe in words. The loss of my step-father last fall has left us all lost in our own ways, searching for how to go about life without him. I have been reading posts from Carly's mom and understanding her frustration when people say things like "it'll get easier". I don't understand that, at least not now, HOW it can get easier when the longer he's gone the more I miss him. (not that I mean to compare the loss of a child to the loss of a parent). There is an emptiness in my heart that cannot and will not ever be filled. Ever. Our moving is laced with complicating factors surrounding his loss. Which often leaves me at a loss for words. I love my step-brothers and sisters and want to take away their pain. But unfortunately life doesn't work like that. I guess we all have to find our own way.

I'm going to do my best to return to blogging, whether anyone is out there reading or not, because it is important to me. It is important FOR me. And to those of you who are out there listening, thank you. (don't worry, I'll keep the pictures and videos coming too!)